Couples split up for all sorts of reasons but don’t you think that it takes two to tango? Yes, your partner may have had an affair or maybe a drinking problem, but at the end of the day it is usually too simple to lay the blame for the break up at one person’s feet. When a relationship ends it should be final unless both of you decide that you wish to get back together. Otherwise, move on. Don’t waste your time or energy trying to think of ways to get back at them.
Every man or woman over the age of 21 has been dumped at some point in their lives. If they say they haven’t, they are very lucky or they probably might be lying. Breaking up can be extremely painful, you only have to see how many films and songs are written on the subject. Even classic books involve painful relationships.
Life is too short to live it out with a grudge against someone else. The only person that will suffer will be you and those that love you. Your ex will be long gone, do you really think that they give you more than a fleeting thought. They didn’t care enough about you to stay together so why would they care now?
There are plenty of lovely people for you to date and perhaps fall in love with. But you will never find a fulfilling new relationship if your life is consumed by hatred for someone else. Being on your own for the first time in a long time can be tough but it can also be liberating. Think positively, you now have the chance to do all the things you wanted to do but your partner wasn’t interested in.
Make a list of twenty things you have to be thankful for and read this every night before you fall asleep. Add five things to your list every day and you will soon find yourself enjoying life so much that you won’t have time to worry about how to get back at your ex anymore. It will be more like ex who?
If you were the one to blame for the breakup then you should apologize. We should always treat others as we would like to be treated but sometimes we can treat our neighbors better than our partners. Having someone special in our lives can mean that we take them for granted and expect them to put up with our black moods, PMS or other human failings.
So, if you say you sorry mean it. Don’t just say it to get your ex back but mean it regardless of what the future holds for you. Arrange a meeting with your ex to discuss what went wrong and see if you do have a future together. You should agree some basic ground rules or else you run the risk of it turning into a blame fest.
The first rule is that both of you should be there because you want to be not because you are being emotionally blackmailed. This is particularly true if you have kids together as one partner can often put pressure on the other to stay together for the sake of the children. Believe me, most kids would prefer to have two different families than to witness two people tearing each other apart.
The second rule should be that you are not getting together to have an argument – if either party gets abusive then the meeting is over. You are there to have a discussion about your relationship and see if you would both like to take it forward. It may be helpful to set a time limit for each person to talk about how they are feeling. When they are talking the other person should be listening.
This is a time for you both to express what you like about each other and what parts of your life together could do with a little work. Perhaps you never get to spend time alone together so an idea may be that you have a date night once a week or a fortnight. This is a night where it is just the two of you and all talk of kids, mortgage, debts etc is banned. This would be your time as a couple to try to relight the forces of attraction that brought you together in the first place.
You will probably find that both of you are finding the same issues difficult. You both probably miss spending quality time together and you may both be under financial and emotional pressure. Sometimes life gets in the way and we often expect our partners to become mind readers and be able to see a problem without us saying anything. We don’t tend to make time in our lives to really talk to our spouse. It is never too late to start.
Now when you are asked how to go get an ex back, you will be able to say that communication and quality time together are the keys to lifelong happiness.
It will take a commitment from the both of you and a desire to give in and work together to overcome the things that caused the break up or divorce. If, though, it is one sided and you are the only one who is truly interested in getting back together after a break up, then you may be fighting an uphill battle. What is going to make to getting back together after a break up work or not is total commitment from both of you.
Each of you have to be able to concede that you were and are wrong about things. You have to be able to admit that without trying to justify everything. When you try to justify mistakes you made you are essentially making up excuses. Just be able to admit it and move on to correct it. It will likely take both of you working together to overcome your mistakes. It is a partnership that both of you are going to have to be invested in 100% but the commitment level from both of you needs to be totally equal.
It is very easy to think that it is the other person that has to do the work. It is too easy to let one person do the work. If it is just one person who is doing the bulk of the work in this reconciliation effort, it most likely is going to fail. It took two to make the relationship or marriage take place originally. Repairing the relationship is going to take both of you together. You have to struggle together for there to be a life together at all. This is something that you should have known when you first got together and it is something that you have to know for it to work from here on out.
If you are the only one of the two of you who thinks that getting back together after a break up is a good thing, then it is only you who is going to be putting forth the effort. It is sad to say but if it isn’t both of you wanting it and working towards it, it may be a fruitless endeavor. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try, it just means that you will have a monumentally tough time making this work. It is hard enough getting back together after a break up when two of you are working for it. Getting back together after a break up on your own may just take a lot more patience and perseverance.
Again, it will be difficult no matter what. What is going to help with the success of it is making sure that you have a good support system. If you have friends and family who are not only encouraging you but helping you, your chances of success just grows.
The trick to get your ex wife back is to let her know that you have changed and that you are, can be, and will be the one that she wants. Wanting to get her back is admitting that you are weak. Admitting that you need her and are incomplete without her. Admitting that you have to have her in order for life to make sense and/or work. Once you make the effort, she is going to be figuring that out on her own.
Just making the effort to get your ex wife back is proof of that. How did she view you prior to the break up? Did you divorce because you were seen as being weak? Hopefully that is not the case. If so, coming back and trying to reconcile after the divorce or break up may be seen as groveling back and may not be something that she wants to see from the man she loves.
If, though, you were seen as being particularly hard headed and self-absorbed then you are essentially saying that you were wrong. This is not a bad thing. When you show that you can admit that you were wrong shows that you are willing to admit that you are human. Being wrong is weak but admitting it and trying to correct it takes immense strength. Letting down your guard and telling her that you were wrong shows that you are serious about wanting to get back together. Even though it’s admitting that you are weak, it is showing that you are strong enough to deal with it.
When you are trying to win your ex wife back, you have to know that you are putting your future in someone else’s hands. The results are far from certain. The truth is the damage may already be done and it has reached the point of no return. Does this mean that you shouldn’t try? No. It does mean that everything that you do has to be above and beyond any reasonable doubt that she might have. This will mean being honest in not just admitting how wrong you may have been but honest in really trying to change.
If you go back to your ex wife and try to convince her that you have changed and that you are worth the risk, you have to be honest. If you aren’t and you are not willing to follow through on your commitment to be better things will only fall apart again. If you are going to go through with the effort to get her back, make sure that the change in you is real.
When you think you cannot live without her and you feel like your life is incomplete you may have a challenge on your hands. If you think you might want to get back with ex girlfriend, you need to make sure it’s worth it.
What was the reason for the break up in the first place? If it was your fault then look closely at what it was that you did. Was it due to your selfishness? This is something that might be hard to do. Look at the actions you took. Were they the results of a self-centered person? If so, then what has changed? What makes you so sure that you are done being self-centered? Is this desire to get back with ex girlfriend a result of self-centered thinking?
Before you try to get back with your ex girlfriend, you need to make sure that it is a mutually beneficial relationship or it has very little chance of succeeding. If it is just something to try and fill a void in your life and heart then it may not be the best for them. You may have to live with the consequences of your selfish actions. Don’t expect to get taken back with open arms. You just have to know that if it isn’t good for both of you, it might not have good or positive results.
If the reason that you broke up has more to do with her selfish actions, then why do you think that she has changed or will change? Look closely at her actions. If there is genuine remorse and a willingness to change, you might have a chance. You need to ask “is she just going to do this again?” If she has a pattern of acting out of selfishness in a way that is harmful to your relationship and to you then you probably don’t. If you have significant reason to believe that what she did isn’t going to repeat itself then maybe you should get back with ex girlfriend. You have to see that she is done looking out for only her self-interest and is more interested in something that is good for the both of you.
In either situation, whether it was because of your selfishness or hers, or even both, you need to fully believe that the both of you can act in the best interest of each other. You cannot expect this relationship to go far if either one of you is self-absorbed. If you truly believe that you both are done being self-centered and can really be focused on the relationship it may be a good thing to get back together with ex.