by T Dub Jackson, author of The Magic Of Making Up System
You smell the smoke, hear the crackle of a flame and start to swoon from the searing heat.
You suspect there’s about to be a raging fire.
But the fire and carnage you fear won’t be from any material possessions lost, but from something much more precious, a once loving relationship going up in flames. No matter what issue set your fire ablaze, many of us don’t know where or how to begin applying the water to put the fire out.
Unlike a real fire where a fireman first looks to find, attack and cool the source of the fire (if possible). Many times attacking the center of the heat is the WRONG approach to take when trying to extinguish our relationship problems and fires.
For example, let’s imagine that since this ‘recession’ your relationship has flamed up some worrisome financial fires. These may start as little brush fires, small issues and arguments over how and where money is being spent…or not spent.
Then, maybe because of the heat and pressure of these financial fires one partner starts ‘escaping’ more than is healthy for the relationship. He escapes into TV, Video Games, Alcohol, Cyber Porn…or worse?
Now…what do we have?
We’ve got two fires smoldering away and soon to be a third because the other partner is starting to feel lonely and isolated.
Can you almost feel the pressure?
Feel it coming to a boil?
Now with three fires off to a crackling start there’s even greater risk of fire and damage spreading to other areas. So? Just which fire do we put out first? Our financial fire? Our financial blaze seems pretty tough to extinguish right now and not likely to die soon.
So maybe we should start with the escapism? That seems like an easy fire to put out…IF you’re not the one escaping!
…and try telling someone that’s feeling lonely and isolated that “they should just snap out of it” is like throwing fuel into the fire.
So where do we begin when we don’t see any good place to start? And we finally realize that
trying to stomp out all our blazes at once actually spreads the fire?…FASTER!
The answer is…
Unlike fighting a REAL fire, we start where there IS NO FIRE. Yes, start where there is absolutely no smoke, no heat and no flame. What we need to do is stop focusing on the problem(s) and focus on where we still have passion…even if it’s just a little.
Find even the tiniest things you both enjoy doing together, ACTIVELY put your problems aside and begin to rebuild the passion between you. And do you know what invariably happens? Often once you’ve rekindled the passion between you…the PROBLEMS will often work themselves out.
The fires extinguish themselves.
Here’s how it may play out using our example;
Tom and Cindy both love cooking together. They both actively decide to let their problems go and NOT worry about them for awhile, but to start by cooking dinner together and EATING together at the dinner table…EVERY night.
Often because they’ve had such a great time cooking and eating together…they play some cards or monopoly afterwards and share some laughs and have a little fun.
Now, because Cindy isn’t feeling so isolated because Tom’s always watching TV or surfing the web…
That little bit of fun turns into love making a little more often. Which in part…leads to…
Tom starting to feel better, finds new confidence, and as his confidence builds… Tom gets more assertive about finding work.
Tom lands what maybe not the best job in the world, but one that relieves a lot of the financial pressure until he can find his perfect fit.
And before your very eyes…
Where Tom and Cindy’s relationship was about to burst into flames…
Now, they are rising from the rubble with a stronger and more fire proof marriage than ever before.
The moral of the story is that with enough PASSION couples can overcome most any problem including affairs, drug use, even death in the family.
But when there is very little passion even the tiniest problems…become big, out of control, blazing fires.
Now if you’re reading this, but feel that an out of control fire has already ‘gutted’ and put an end to your relationship. You may find it comforting to know that there may be a second chance for you?
I’ve made some amazing new breakthroughs in the human love, bonding and REBONDING process. Many of these breakthroughs are just as counterintuitive as the technique I’ve just handed you here. I’ve made a special video with you in mind where I share one of my counterintuitive rebonding techniques. You’re invited to watch here: HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK VIDEO
While I’m a little bumbly and no Brad Pitt on camera…
…the video has been watched over 893,000 times (rated 4 1/2 stars) and it’s rare for a day to go by where I don’t receive a really heart warming note from someone that has put their relationship back together after going through hell and fearing they’d never find their way back.
Hope it helps you too:-)
T Dub Jackson