Am I in a toxic relationship?

Posted on April 19, 2009 by admin

How can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship? Here are some clues:

Your partner says they love you, but their actions don’t back it up.
Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others.
Your partner is controlling, reading your mail or showing up at places you are, just to check up on you.
Your partner tries to make you dependent on them.
You have changed things about yourself to please them.

Toxic people make you feel sick just being around them, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?

A toxic relationship has a cycle, there’s a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by reconciliation at which point the cycle begins anew.

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage, it is not until they have sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship, at that point, it’s difficult to get out, one reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes, as a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they are doing it, and they may not know any better, others believe they do not deserve happiness, still others find that they enjoy taking care of people.

But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices, often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression, once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself, in most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault, once you fall into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.

For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships, the good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships, some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds, but others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.

The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged, sometimes it takes a little space, other times, it takes counseling, but if both partners make an attempt, it’s possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way, the first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you are willing to walk away, if you aren’t willing to walk away, you will never be able to heal that which divides you.

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection, don’t nag the other person, simply say, I need your support, I need your love, or I need your truthful opinion, if you don’t get what you need, the other person should know that you are prepared to walk.

A healthy relationship is a two way street, in a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way, you have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.

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Getting Your Ex Back After an Affair

Posted on April 18, 2009 by admin

How to get back an ex even after you have cheated.

Restoring trust in relationships requires an adjustment in attitude and actions, even after an affair, it is possible to save a relationship, but that starts with ramping up the level of trust within the couple, if you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which allowed you to stray, there might be something at the relationship’s core that is diseased, but you can heal the disease.

What was it that you were looking for when you strayed? Was the sex humdrum? Was she too busy for you? Was she just not spending enough time on her grooming? You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary relationship was perfect, what is it that needs to be done to fix it? Often that lies in self analysis, but just as often, that lies in the couple’s relationship.

Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems, sometimes that means going into couples counseling, but just understanding our thoughts isn’t enough, the next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems, the secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.

One of the biggest things you can do is to make small promises and keep them, if you promise to take the trash out every evening, do it, and do it consistently, when you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.

Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed, this means that you are going to need to apologize more than once over time, you will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course, it is not easy for her to forgive the breach, if you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her.

This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the indiscretion forever, in fact, if you allow her to constantly guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship you are building, just be understanding.

Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident, treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature, just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair, restoring trust in a relationship takes time, it requires that you change both your attitudes and actions, but it is possible to heal the divide and be a stronger couple as a result.

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Quotes on relationships

Posted on April 17, 2009 by admin

Relationship Quotes for Your Enjoyment, here are some relationship quotes of note:

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
-Oprah Winfrey

“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” -Anthony Robbins

“Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same.” -Flavia Weedn

“The act of forgiveness is the act of returning to present time. And that’s why when one has become a forgiving person, and has managed to let go of the past, what they’ve really done is they’ve shifted their relationship with time.” – Caroline Myss

“Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” – Mark Twain

“Well, it seems to me that the best relationships – the ones that last – are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is… suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with” ~ Gillian Anderson

“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” – Aristotle

“The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” – Helen Keller

“Where does the family start? It starts with a young man falling in love with a girl – no superior alternative has yet been found.” – Winston Churchill

“It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.” – Kahlin Gibran

“To love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person.” – Eric Fromm

“Man is a knot into which relationships are tied.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

“You can’t stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, it’s the best thing in the world. When you’re in a relationship and it’s good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete.” ~ Keith Sweat

“Our greatest joy-and our greatest pain comes in our relationships with others.” ~ Stephen R. Covey

“Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone; it has to be made – like bread, remade all the time, made new.” – Ursula LeGuin

“Once the trust goes out of a relationship, it’s really no fun lying to ‘em anymore.” -Norm from Cheers

There’s a broad collection of relationship quotes for you.

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Relationship Advice for Men

Posted on April 16, 2009 by admin

What is the best relationship advice for men? What should men know if they want a relationship to work for the long haul?

Probably the single biggest piece of relationship advice for men is to stop listening to what women say they want and start observing what women actually display that they want.

How do they display what they want? It is as simple as observing what kind of men they choose.

Women say, I want a man who listens to me, yet they choose the man who dominates the conversation, women say, I want a guy with a good sense of humor, and they date the guy who has money.

Why do women say they want one thing but actually go out with a guy who is just the opposite? The answer to that question lies in the subconscious motivators for getting together, the historical, biological reason for men and women to get together is to propagate the species, in other words, just because getting pregnant may be the last thing on her conscious mind, when she evaluates a man at the subconscious level, she’s still looking for a good daddy for her children.

Is the good dad someone who listens to her? No, it is someone who will provide for her children, and the person who can provide for her children is someone who has the confidence to put food in the table, women need men who can be good providers, while a man can produce thousands of sperm on repeated occasions throughout their adult lives, even into their 90′s, women have about 400 chances of producing a baby, as a result, they are looking for a man who can provide longevity and stability for their babies.

A man who tells a women that he is a lawyer and not a paralegal will have a better chance of landing her, that is because she perceives that a lawyer is a better provider for her future children, but having a good income is not enough, a woman needs to perceive that a man is generous with his resources and will provide for her children, that is why women place such a high value on gifts such as jewelry, it may also be why the engagement ring must be such a large purchase, when you ask a woman to marry you, you give her a ring, not just because it is traditional and romantic, but because it is a tangible display that you can provide for her and her children.

Further, even though modern humans make money more from their brains than their brawn, women are still programmed to think of strength equaling the ability to provide, that’s why, even when there is evidence to the contrary in the form of a tax return, the woman is hardwired to choose the lineman over the computer geek, so the biggest piece of relationship advice for men is to figure out what women need from an evolutionary point of view and give it to her.

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Find Out How a Rebound Relationship Can Work In Your Favor

Posted on April 14, 2009 by admin

Is your ex in a rebound relationship? What is a rebound relationship?

A rebound relationship is one where she is dating someone else to get over you, if you have broken up with the love of your life and she is in a rebound relationship, it might be because she does not want to deal with the emotions of breaking up, rebound relationships keep people from having to deal with those emotions, that’s the key for getting love back.

It does not matter why she lost you, it doesn’t matter if it is your fault or hers, it doesn’t even matter who actually called the relationship off, what matters here is that you have a real love, because virtually all relationships founded on real love can be saved.

If she’s in a rebound relationship, she will be focusing on what is wrong with your relationship, if you were a handsome guy she will probably be hanging out with a ugly boy, if you were into philosophy, he’ll be watching Monday Night Football, or vice versa.

The fact that she is actually focusing on the differences in your styles is actually good for you for two reasons, her attention is still focused on you even when she’s with a new ugly guy, and it gives you a chance to see what she’s looking for, if she’s with someone as different from you as possible, it means that she was missing something in your relationship, you can use the time she’s with rebound man to improve yourself.

Let the rebound relationship run its course, because, as she spends time with the new ugly guy, she will start to see the flaws in him, after a month or so with rebound man, you will start to look pretty good, that’s why you don’t want to crawl back to her right away, let her develop the idea that she misses the good things in the relationship, when she’s ready to make a move, be magnanimous, welcome her back graciously, be a new and improved boyfriend, but do not do the chasing.

Here are some tips to take when your ex is in a rebound relationship:

Don’t try to convince her that you are the love of her life. Let her discover this on her own.
Don’t apologize profusely. If you did something wrong, you can say you’re sorry once, but move on, she knows the real reason she loves you.
Don’t make promises to change. You are who you are and that’s who she fell in love with.
Don’t try to make her see that it wasn’t your fault. She will come to appreciate that over time, but only if you haven’t made her invest energy in defending her position that it was your fault.

Never, ever, beg her to take you back.
When your ex starts going out with someone just after you break up, she’s in a rebound relationship, you can make up with her and get back together, don’t despair, the rebound relationship is a sign that she’s still in love with you.

For more tips click here

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